Join me in this live, 90-minute class and discover the Five Things I’ve Learned about how we underestimate longevity’s challenges and its gifts – and how learning about both can improve our odds of securing a better, happier old age.

I’m MT Connolly, an author, researcher, program-builder, nonprofit leader, public speaker, policy-shaper and recovering litigator. I was first introduced to aging issues as a DOJ lawyer suing huge nursing home chains for abuse and neglect. Then I went to the Senate to work on a new law (the Elder Justice Act) to take on elder abuse, neglect, and financial exploitation. But the results were humbling. The law was no cure. So, I set about listening to peoples’ stories of aging, did deep research into why growing old is so much harder than it should be, and chronicled the results in a book – The Measure of Our Age: Navigating Care, Safety, Money, and Meaning Later in Life. What I learned changed the way I think and live.

Everyone is aging all the time. Our astonishing victory over early mortality allows us to live longer lives than ever before with a profound impact on people of all ages – on our families, financial security, society, culture, and consciousness. But there’s a paradox. We want to get old, not be old. We’re reluctant even to contemplate aging, much less plan for it in a holistic way. That reluctance leaves us unprepared both for longevity’s challenges and for its gifts and deprives us of knowledge we need to navigate aging well – ourselves and with those we love. Understanding how flawed systems shape our personal experience (a central theme in my book) can help. In this class, I’ll talk about five things we need to know to improve our odds of a better old age:

  • The Care Crisis – Because our “lifespans” (78) exceed our “healthspans” (66), millions more older people will need care than ever before. But we lack the social infrastructure to deliver that care or to support those who provide it (including some 50 million family caregivers). Long-term care options are expensive, hard to figure out, and unreliable. And although they can help a lot, we don’t have nearly enough geriatrics experts (medical professionals who specialize in aging like pediatrics for kids). The upshot? Many people feel like they’re failing at aging or at caring, when in fact they’re being failed by society.
  • Money – Although older Americans hold disproportionate wealth (about 70%), many don’t plan adequately for the cost of aging or to transfer assets to the next generation in ways that avoid conflict. Cognitive decline and isolation increase the risk of being scammed – wiping out inheritances and funds needed for housing and care – yet signs of declining “financial capacity” may be imperceptible until it’s too late. And money’s symbolic meanings and our squeamishness about discussing it further complicate things.
  • Autonomy-Safety Balancing – Older adults have the right to make decisions, even risky ones, about money, driving, care, sex, friendship, where to live and with whom. But those risky decisions can lead to impoverishment or danger to oneself or others. (Think driving.) And proxy decision-making tools, like powers of attorney and guardianships, often go too far (usurping rights) or not far enough. There’s surprisingly little guidance about these profound legal, ethical, and philosophical quandaries, leaving family members, friends, neighbors, professionals, and policymakers struggling to decide the right way to intervene. (The body politic is facing a related quandary relating to the best approach to growing numbers of older politicians – some at the peak of their powers, some incompetent, and others in-between.)  
  • Norms – We live in an age-segregated society. Most older adults live either together with others of similar age or isolated (and often lonely) in their own homes. As a culture, we approach aging with fear, shame, denial, and disgust. We invest more in “anti-aging” than in aging well. And our rampant ageism remains largely unchecked. Many norms of aging (like those relating to retirement) evolved when we lived shorter lives and no longer serve us well. But we have yet to forge new norms that better suit and support our longer lives.
  • Mysteries and Meaning – The practical challenges of aging distract us from grappling with its deeper existential mysteries. Too often, we lose track of stuff core to being human – like love, connection, purpose, curiosity, creativity, storytelling, and awe. But there are concrete steps we can take to focus more on what matters most.  

Time is longevity’s most sacred gift. There are no silver bullets, but a fuller contemplation of what it means to live long lives can help us move the needle – away from the negative and toward the positive aspects of aging. Paying more attention to where we want to end up, and helping others do the same, is the first step.

I look forward to starting that discussion with you. 

MT Connolly